Not Written By A One Track Mind
Friday, Jul. 25, 2003
Edited to add: Aisai drew this for me.
Scene: TC�s officeway (meaning the doorway). Sleeveless OP T-shirt and hemp necklace wearing blonde guy holds the handle of a large air compressor. Postwood has just gotten coffee in his new Chinese �Sandstone Muck� mug. TC jots info down on a Post-It� Note.
TC: Blah blah blah
Dude: Blah blah blah
[I wasn�t listening at first.]
TC: So, what is that?
Dude: It�s a TX-4301 portable�
Postwood: �garbage disposal.
[Note: Here comes the first response that makes no sense.]
Dude (to Postwood): What? You don�t like it?
Postwood: No, I was just joking because it�s clearly an air compressor.
Symbol for gears turning appears above Dude�s head. Click click click.
Dude begins wheeling air compressor out of lobby.
Postwood (to TC): So, we, what, rented that?
Dude (to Postwood): I thought we just let you guys borrow it.
Dude exits.
No, they didn�t let us borrow it, Tokey Joe. You work for a freakin� rental company. Either this dude was messing with me or he�s not the brightest hippie in Huntsville. And dude, and OP shirt? Wake up and smell the 90�s.
Today is odd at work. The Director (who gets a momentary reprieve from being called Ratstranger) got news that his twin grandchildren have a rare genetic disease and will only live another year. They are two years old now. Mountain Man�s wife�s water broke, as she�s incredibly pregnant. However, she�s being freaky about it and has actually gone to work and forced him to go into work also. The only thing is, he works here, in Huntsville. They live in Guntersville (former resort town, very lakey) which is about an hour drive away. Whatever, dude.
We actually found out about the Director�s g-kids on Wednesday. It was too emotional to write about it yesterday. Heck, how can I say something as serious as that when I�m wishing the polar ice caps would melt so we�d get this great bay. I think it should be called Louisisana Bay, though I�m sure there�s some sad little (meaning smaller than all the Great Lakes combined) bay that already has that name.
And frankly, what have the ice caps ever done for me. Nada. Nothing. You can give me a freakin� blowtorch and set me loose on them and I�ll melt them myself.
But the fact is, they aren�t melting. Or, if they are, it�s happening so slow that the expensive coastal lots will change hands many times, being surveyed each time, and no one will ever notice.
Now, the ozone hole above Antarctica, now that�s a real enviro deal. And I would make sure to wear plenty of sunscreen when I stand under it, except:
1. I�d be wearing a humongo parka and have every inch of my body covered cause it�s so freakin� cold anyway.
2. When the hole opens it�s because the sun passes through the atmosphere horizontally and thus the ice crystals catalyze the breakdown of the ozone, thus the sun isn�t coming from above/through the hole, but from the horizon, and thus passes through more ozone and is filtered even better.
3. Flights to Antarctica are super expensive. If I�m going to pay $6000 for a freakin� ticket, I�m going to:
a. Uruguay
b. Indonesia
c. China
d. Thailand
e. Turkey
f. Maybe visit Leeann and David in the UK
g. Greenland
And speaking of adventures, or at least activities, Aisai and I will be headed to my parent�s house tonight. Yesterday was my sister�s birthday and she�s in town. Then tomorrow I�ll be whitewater rafting for the first time on the Ocoee. My only concern is that rather than booking the Lower Ocoee, which is fairly easy, we�ve booked the Upper Ocoee and Olympic Course.
Basically, after we carry the raft about a mile, then go through some serious rapids for four miles, then we�ll enter the Olympic course that was used in the Hotlanta* Olympics.
*Yes, I�m aware that federal law states that anyone referring to Atlanta as Hotlanta will be forced to live there the rest of their lives, but this is Satire (or is it parody, I always get those mixed up. They�re like the Aztecs and Mayans of humor.)