Everyone Has Enemies: The Timtim Story
8/29/1

As I was leaving work yesterday, when I got to my car, I cursed. Not a bad curse word. It�s one they can say on TV, but I still consider it a curse word.

Timtim blew grass all over my car when he was mowing. Timtim hates me. Let�s take a trip down memory lane...

[That harp type dream music]

It was 1996 and I had just gotten this job, my first job out of college, one of my duties that I shared was collecting samples in the early morning when we first got in. I was issued many different vehicles, all crap, in my first year. At this time I had a middle 1980s Chevy S-10 pickup.

I used to tear around the plant, but not in a dangerous way. And on one day I decided that I�d take the truck over to this field of mud and do serpentine patterns in it.

I gunned the engine and turned hard right, then left to bring the back end back inline. When I was at 90 degrees to my original path, hard left, then right, etc. I maybe swung the truck back and forth about six of seven times. Then I went back to the lab.

Later that day, The Smoking Man tells me that Timtim is very upset with me for messing up his grass. �It�s mud� I said. But The Smoking Man told me that Timtim had graded and put seed out.

I didn�t get in trouble or anything. But Timtim is no small man and he is of a volatile nature. Lawnwork makes you think like a biker or pirate obviously.

Jump ahead a few years to one of our lame Christmas lunches here at work. Actually, this one wasn�t so bad since the caterer didn�t suck. Slim, a legend in our office, now retired, organized the thing and there was a frozen turkey giveaway. As chance would have it, I won one. But I almost didn�t collect on it.

Slim, who by the way, isn�t, was calling out the numbers that were on the slips of paper he handed us as we came into the JV Center. He called mine. I turned it and pointed my paper at Labman and made a squirpy �Oh, joy [sarcasm]� face.

As I was mocking my hollow victory, Timtim had gotten up to get my turkey. I was unsure what to do, so I waited.

Slim had it going on and was checking the little pieces of paper. Timtim was stopped from getting the turkey and Slim asked who had the right number. I said that I did and went and got my turkey.

Ooh, Timtim hated me more. I heard how Timtim ranted and raved about me stealing his turkey.

I cannot say for sure, but the data indicates that Timtim might just be clueless.

Now, when Timtim mows the grass, he somehow manages to completely cover one side of my car in grass clippings. He did this yesterday. Jerk.

And thus ends the story of Timtim.