No Need For Questions: Part III
7/2/1
DO YOU BELIEVE IN Yourself: Oh, don�t hit me with that �I�m OK, You�re OK� trash. Your friends: I�ve seen them, so I guess they exist. Aliens: I have no proof, but will go in favor of none with language skills. The Closet Monster: No, but I believe in the Sock Eating Dryer. Psychic powers: I can bend a spoon. Government Conspiracies: That implies too much organization. But yes, there are motives that the government has that are not popular, but I wouldn�t call them conspiracies. And I�m very Serpico. MISC. QUESTIONS: 1: Do you like school: The pay was pretty low, but yes, if you paid me what I make now, I�d love school. 2: Do you have any good advice: Avoid bad things. 3: Do you have your own line: Oh, this is so aimed at teens. Yes, I have my own phone line. I have my own house too. 4: Can you tell us your number? Dang, where did this creepy questionnaire come from? I know I got it off Halogirl�s diaryland site. 5: Do you like to dance? I will occasionally do an interpretive dance of joy, but I avoid lustful dancing, because my wife would kill me. [inappropriate humor deleted] 6: Are you scared to ask someone out? I just command them out. �Begone with you!� I scream. 7: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? No, but I have swam in some very immodest underwear. Oh, right, as opposed to my modest underwear. 8: Have you ever thought you were going to die? I know I�m going to die. Sheesh, don�t let the guy who made this questionnaire become a lawyer. That reminds me of the question my wife sometimes asks me, �Have you brushed your teeth?� In all honestly, I always have to answer �Yes�. 9: Do you sleep w/ stuffed animals: No, only real animals. 10: Have you ever broken/fractured a bone: Never. 11: Do you have any piercings: I have a splinter fragment stuck in my foot. 12: braces: I had them from 7th to 9th grade. We moved to a different school zone at the same time I got them off. 13: Do you consider your self a good listener: Oh, sure, whatever. 14: Do you like Chunky or Smooth: Chunky, on general principles. And I am talking peanut butter, you pervs. 15: Do you sing in the shower: I wake up an hour before my wife and I�m not a jerk. You figure it out. 16: Do you think cheerleading is a sport: Sure. I also think it�s a form of art. But I don�t believe in art with a capital A. 17: Have you ever stolen anything: Yes [hangs his head in shame], but nothing in the last 12 years. 18: What is on your ceiling: Here? A vent, some lights. 19: What color is your toothbrush? White with blue rubber thingies. I had to get the rubber grip because I do a lot of Extreme Brushing. 20: What is better Coke or Pepsi: Oh, open that Pandora�s box, why doncha. Ok, I much preferred Coke all the time that I was growing up. Coke really does taste better than Pepsi. Then around 1981, they changed Coke so that it had 50% high fructose corn syrup. Then around 1988, they changed Coke to Classic Coke and dropped out some of the ingredients. Now Coke is 100% sweetened by high fructose corn syrup and you can�t get it in a glass bottle unless you buy those little ones. I drink Deit Mountain Dew and Diet Pepsi products in general. Pepsi is king of the diets. 21: What is the hardest thing about growing up? Not understanding that [a] you are just like everyone else (the whole 1970s kept telling us we were special, and frankly, when you see the losers at school, you know that your teachers are lying to you) and [b] lack of wisdom and all the side effects. Oh, and there�s vainity and anger. Oh, it�s a mess. 22: Do you believe in love at first sight? I hate to say yes, but yes. 23: Have you ever been in love: Yes, see my wife. (This question already popped up in NNFQp1) 24: If so w/ whom? My wife. Naming any ex-girlfriends would be in poor taste, but let me say this, and if any of you former girlfriends are reading this, look away. My wife is the only girl I ever dated who I would ever (ever ever ever) want to marry. I am shocked about the freaks that I dated. 25: Favorite place to be: Texas, or home. 26: What do you wear to bed: I refuse to answer on the basis of I might cause the weaker women out there to lust for me. 27: What is the best feeling in the world: Love. 28: Do you think looks are important? I�ve never met a person who wanted to be ugly. 29: What do you look for in a guy/girl? What, am I a surgeon? A spleen? 30: How many kids do you want to have? 2 or 3, maybe 4.
