Heavy and the Bad Box
Thursday, May. 01, 2003

I enjoyed typing up my entry for yesterday so much outside, that I'm doing it again.

I enjoyed typing up my entry outside yesterday so much, that I'm doing it again.

Outside, I enjoyed tying up my entry yesterday, so I'm doing it again.

Is there any way to make that sentence sound normal? Not only that, but I've managed to type up a really crappy intro for what is an adventure packed entry.

The two main events of yesterday are either my mom's birthday and us finding out that our homestudy might be over as soon as next week, or it's me playing the role of the mafia heavy when my dad delivered papers to the uninsured motorist who hit my mom's sport futility wehicle and Aisai missing both Roswell and the fourth or third to last Buffy because the stupid converter box got an "ER07" at seven in the morning.

Usually when that total piece of crap gets an error, I don't see it. But it changed channels from 108 (BBC) to 78 (Speed) when it was trying to record one of my automotive news magazine shows.

I hear a Huey. I live about three miles from Redstone Arsenal, one of the better, more high tech, kick-ass arsenals in the US militaryness thing altogether. We got's the apaches. We design the Patriot II's. Well, I actually understand that's done at Raytheon on Wynn Drive, the road where my niece�s high school is (in an old Chrysler building) and where Barney Turk's dad drove his pickup truck through the only Dunkin Doughnuts for 90 miles, causing so much damage that they just said "Forget it."

Besides, Krispy Kreme was beating their pants off anyway.

Ok, Mafia Time:

When Aisai and I get over to Mom and Dad's house, we end up being greeted by dad who was puttering around on the porch or something. The bougainvillea we got mom for her birthday was so large that it actually can't go through doors easily, or we'll never know, since we followed dad around the side and hung it on a "shepherd's crook" in the back.

I digress for a moment to point out that I don't think that shepherds actually had their crooks look like that. I'm sure they looked like the "you suck, we're pulling you off stage" cartoon shepherd's crooky things. The plant holder would only be used for pushing sheep away. Heck, you can yell at them to get that to happen.

Well, shortly after initial greets, Dad hits me with the assignment for the evening. Seems mom got rearended in her Lexus 300SUX recently. The fellow who hit her didn't have insurance. Dad needed to deliver paperwork to him and wanted me to come along since he was apprehensive about the situation. Not only that, but the police report had two different addresses 6802 and 6302, and he needed to know which was the right one. Oh, and we blocked him in with our car anyway.

Dad, no matter how hard he tries, cannot pronounce Mubarek correctly. Well, the fellow was a very likeable sort. He seemed to be your standard software guy/engineer type. I gabbered at him some, as I'm very rhetocially aware that I needed to make sure Mr. Mubarek knew we were friendly regular joes. Dad wanted to do quick business. Dad viewed me as a heavy.

How do I know?

Me: Oh, I don't want to go. I scare people.

Dad: Good. It'll intimidate him.

Me: Hmm.

I wanted to drive dad by 10123 Versailles, the house we lived in while I was growing up, but dad pointed out that it was five miles away. It is, but it's also so dilapidated that it probably brings down the whole value of the neighborhood, which is actually quite nice.

So, after defecting cake offers from mom, she had a carrot cake that some restaurant tried to appease her with after messing up something. Mom is not a tolerant customer in the food service industry.

Choppers! Boring slow ones too. Hmm. If I couldn't see him, it'd be impossible to tell where he is because his sound bounces off all the houses.

Oh, and did you read about our 4.7 megahertz (or whatever) earthquake we had yesterday morning. I was actually awake then, at 4 a.m., cleaning up freshly puked cat vomit next to my bed. I didn't notice. Aisai noticed the Iranian platter on the wall rattling, but thought it was the vent blowing air on it (the thing weighs like 40 pounds, so not likely).

Oh, and then we got home from mom and dad's and the stupid converter box we have so we can have digital cable was displaying "ER07" and it had recorded a blank screen all day. We missed "The Blind Date" episode of Roswell, which if Television Without Pity is any judge, is possibly one of the crappiest episodes ever. Conveniently nothing happened at all. And i can't believe that to be incognito they actually had Liz's character wear a big floppy had and sunglasses to school. This ain't Nickelodeon, ok?

We also missed Buffy. I can read the spoiler reviews off The Spoiler Slayer which TC forwarded me, but I'd rather have seen the episode.

My Campmor stuff should come in Friday. Xmen2 is getting great reviews and I have tickets for 4 p.m. Friday. I have to meet the cable guy tomorrow so he can put in a new box.

He better be finished before 5 p.m. since the fourth alien shows up on Roswell.

(Ooh...ooh.)