Detailing In An Incomplete Nutshell
Monday, Mar. 17, 2003

Your car is made up of many different surfaces. People tend to use the phrase �detailing� to mean cleaning up many of the surfaces of the car, and not just washing or waxing it. Here, I�ll blather on about crap, but remember I�m no expert. For experts, see autopia.org.

Wheels and Tires � If you don�t clean the sides of your tires, they�ll end up all brown and grody. Your wheels, specifically your front wheels, will get coated with brake dust and random road crap. I have two cleaning products for wheels currently. Eagle One (EO from now on) A2Z cleaner is my newest acquisition. It�s very strong and doesn�t require scrubbing. I�ve only used it on my mother-in-law�s car which actually did require scrubbing. For that, I happily use Turtle Wax (TW) Finish 2001 Foaming Tire Cleaner. Wet tire and wheel, spray spray spray, scrub with �wheel brush�, and rinse. Usually, dirty wheels take a few times to get all the little spots. Both those products are less than $5 at Wal-Mart (Hel-Mart) and the wheel brush is about $3. I condition my tires with EO Wet Tire Shine, but then buff as much off with a white cotton rag after it soaks in some. Not only is shiny wheels just too ghetto for me, but it will also sling the tire protectant on your paint, which is lame.

Engine Hoses, Black Plastic non-dash stuff, Weather-stripping, Etc � Though some give it a hard time, I feel the best product for keeping black rubber and non-contact plastic black is Mother�s Back To Black. The reason some rag on it is that it�s rather goopy. However, the other products that are thinner and spray, or thicker, they don�t gripe about. Unlike something like Armor All, which will strip the plastic�s oils out and make it brittle (or make rubber get brown rot faster), this is safe for those surfaces. I buff it off hard plastics once it�s had a little time, but usually leave it on rubber or under the hood.

Glass � I personally love Stoners Invisible Glass (SIG). I have never used a better glass-cleaning product, but, I am tempted to get some EO 20/20 since it�s much cheaper and also has a large following. I always do my exterior glass with up and down strokes and the interior side of that same glass with side to side strokes, so I can tell which side isn�t clean if I see streaks. I treat the windshield with Castrol Accuvision, which doesn�t last as long as RainX, but works just as well and is very much easier to deal with. I prefer to use newspaper for my glass buffing when cleaning, and a cotton cloth when removing Accuvision. Aisia prefers a MF towel.

A car�s paint requires lots of different stuff, or it doesn�t. It all depends on what stage of it�s life your car�s paint is. We�ll start with the most basic of needs.

Washing � Don�t ever use dishwashing detergent on your car. Ever. Well, you can use it if you�re about to start a high end polymer and you�re trying to strip off all the wax and as much polymer as you can before you start fresh. Dishwashing detergent is designed to dissolve oil. You�re paint has oils in it to keep it supple so that the vibrations of the car don�t make it crack and so it doesn�t oxidize so quickly. People who wash with dish detergent do long term damage to their paint. Use nearly any liquid formulated to wash cars. Though I find the ones with wax added to them to generally suck and make streaks on my car, but that�s what I get for having black paint. I have been washing with a 100% cotton chenille spongy thing and EO Wet Car Wash. I used to use Meguiars Deep Crystal, but EO was cheaper and I�m sick of the freaky smell of the Meg. What the heck was that supposed to smell like? Grapes? Always wash the cleanest surfaces first. You don�t want to get a lot of dirt from, say, behind your rear wheels and then rub it all over your hood. And you can never use too much rinse water. Water�s cheap. Freak out with it. Have a dedicated bucket for your car washing. Buy one for this purpose. Never let anything ever be in it. If anyone mixes potting soil in it, freak out and disown the thing.

Water �shaping� attachments - Some people use the plain old hose and others have that horribly overprices $78 Griots crap they use. I actually have a Y adapter with a shower head type diffusor on one side and a thin jet adapter on the other. I turn whichever valve I want water to come out of. Total cost $4ish since it�s all cheap and plastic (except the jet thing which is aluminum). I also wear rubber gloves (lab type) when washing my car when it�s cold out or if the underground temp is too low. It might be 70F out, but if the water from the hose is 40F, I�m happy to have the little bit of insulation.

Drying � Some people like the California Water Blade, some the Absorber, but all agree that the larger Waffle Weave Microfiber (MF) towels are the best. I bought a blade, used it once, a tiny piece of grit I missed gave me a nice long scratch on my hood. I will not use it again except on glass as a squeegee. I do own an absorber and I use that after every wash. That gets 99% of the water and then I just let the rest dry and I�ll QD it off later.

Quick Detailers (QD) � More essential than you�d think for keeping your car nicey nicey. Birds poop on ya, rain gives you spots, and a QD lets you remove those things without rewashing your car. Many contain shine enhancers. I like EO Wet Wipe & Shine, though I hate that the EO A2Z and EO QD are in the same color bottle now. I sprayed wheel cleaner on my hood Saturday. I got it off and QD-ed it though so it�s fine. I�m also fairly fond of Meguiars QD (which originated the name Quik Detailer) but I understand that once you break the $5 a bottle barrier, you can get some truly amazing stuff. I�ve also read about some people who liked using EO Wax As You Dry as a QD, but it wasn�t designed for that.

Clay � Just like your wheels were making all that brake dust, it ends up getting embedded into your paint. These tiny microshards get stuck in your paint and normal washing won�t get rid of them. By using a very sticky and hard clay, and a lubricant (some come with it, if not, QD works, or so does car washing stuff from your bucket). After washing, follow the directions on the clay box and remove all the brake dust and �rail dust� from your paint. It takes a while if the paint is really crappy with imbedded dust, but when that�s the case, the difference is very nice. This will take the �frosted glass� look out of the reflections you get off your paint.

Polish � Crap, there�s too much to say here. But a polish will help remove oxidation. If you had just gotten a very oxidized car, you�d wash and polish. Then you�d probably wash again, then clay. By that point you�d know if you had swirls the polish didn�t get, which opens you to some of the more aggressive products like 3M Swirl Mark Remover (SMR). Just like QD has become the name for a type of product (as Kleenex has for facial tissues), SMR does not always mean the 3M brand. If you have swirls or scratches, do much research first. I own a tube of Meguiars ScratchX and it will not touch my paint EVER. I�m keeping it around in case I start detailing the lawn mower, I guess.

Wax (Natural) � Nothing beats the warmth and shine of carnauba, says some person who I don�t necessarily believe. Though modern carnauba waxes will get you the best bang for your buck. Top of the food chain currently is S100 wax which you can find at your local Harley Davidson dealer. Don�t worry about feeling like a gork going into Harley land (I find the Harley people to be very similar to Trekkies, in fact) to get some wax you have no intention of putting on a bike. My Harley dealer said it was the BMW people who are always buying it up. It�s $15 and will last a very long time. Zym�l also makes wonderful stuff. The cleaner wax is the only thing I�d venture to buy since it�s much cheaper. Some people claim that Zym�l cleaner wax is not made by Zym�l and is just Turtle Wax. Well, I�ve seen the text of a letter from the president of Zym�l stating the contrary, and besides, why would it win Consumer Report�s best All-In-One wax and be scads ahead of any of the Turtle stuff if it was the Turtle stuff. But, that said, most of your shine will be from surface prep. Putting wax on it can influence the shine�s qualities and protect your car a little.

�Wax� (Polymer) � And speaking of protection, why clap rocks together like all the cro-mags who still use Carnuba when we can join the 1990s level of technology and put some real protection on the car. Cheapest of the lot is the fairly harsh NuFinish. It gets the harsh rap only due to the level of petroleum distillates in the liquid form. I�ve not used the paste. It puts a good shell on the car that lasts. Actually, TW Finish 2001 Polish (misnamed) is nearly the exact same product, even down to the horrible smell. Add some more money and remove the harshness and you get into Blackfire (the second formulation is often written BF2), Klasse, and the legengary Zaino. However, technology is passing the legend by at this point with Poorboys coming out with EX and others improving their formulas.

MF Towels � No, I�m not mad at my towels. Microfiber towels are an investment which will protect your paint more than anything else. When you are buffing off wax, polish, or QD, you�ll want to use a cloth that is designed to never scratch paint. And that is what your MF is all about. Pakshak and JTInternational are two suppliers who really watch their quality. I wouldn�t buy a MF that I saw at Wal-Mart or any other store since I don�t know the history of where it�s been. I�m not putting anything that�s been on Wal-Mart�s floor against my car.

[Note: another fun acro that deals with cars if for Limited Slip Differential. LSD.]

Other towels � I call mine shop rags, but they are the 100% cotton terri 12�x12� clothes they sell at Target to do what I do with my MF towels. These are used for using the Mother�s Back To Black or wiping down door jambs or the engine. Basically, if it�s something you don�t want your MF to do, use one of these. You can get 20 for $10. But they�ll scratch your paint, so no-no on the painto.

Special Note for those with Black Paint � So, you�re a glutton for punishment, eh? Either that or you�ll let your car look like crap all the time. There is no harder paint color to deal with, ever. I hope, for your sake, that you have a small car.

There�s so many small details I haven�t mentioned. These are just a few of the things. Heck, I never even talked about the interior or dealing with convertible tops.