Much Toilet, Little Humor
Monday, Feb. 24, 2003

They changed the internet filter thingy at work. Now, to go to sites they�d rather you not go to, you cash in 2 minutes of your hour at a time rather than the five. They�ve also blocked Autopia, my car detailing site, and Miata.net. Oh, and nearly anything entertainment related.

So, I�ve reorganized my bookmarks so that rather than having my two directories that I step through every day, Aardvark and Blogs, I now have three: Aardvark, Aardvark Blocked, and Blogs.

What I do with Aardvark Blocked is cash in one 2 minute thing and then open as many articles as I can. Today, for the first time in a long time, I read Lilek�s Bleat, Reality Blurred, and three articles on Aint It Cool News.

I personally thought Dog Soldiers was Ok, but I don�t see why so many people think it�s super cool. Now, that French Wolf Movie, that was some cool stuff.

The other change at work was that they�ve changed the toilet seats in the men�s bathroom. They may have done the ladies� bathroom too, but I�m not privy to that. (small joke there.)

Well, these new seats actually have covers. This makes it hard for me to flush the Sloan Valve thingy with my foot. And to me, that�s important. If the cleaning crew cleans the bathroom with the same vigilance as they do my office, I�d prefer to touch as few surfaces as possible in there.

This reminds me of Barbara Strisand�s freakish ritual of having �the help� put the petals of a dozen roses in her toilet bowls so she doesn�t have to deal with her own waste anymore than possible. I tell ya�Poop, the equalizer of all people.

Another work bathroom oddity I noticed, it seems that a person sitting in the handicapped stall, the one I use, with rather long legs was swinging their legs in arcs and making scuff marks on the floor. Now, this person�s legs were about three inches longer than mine, so that means it was Bill. What was Bill doing making snow angel legs in the stall? Do your business and get out.

And while we�re all about the bathroom here, a pet peeve of mine, or actually just a habit, is that I always turn on the fan of any bathroom I�m about to use. I feel the white noise is a curtesy to those who don�t want to hear my wasting in CD quality. Besides, at our house, we have what I would call an Ampatheater Bathroom.

It�s not near as bad as the one that my parent�s had at their house on Signal Point Rd. But with the open floorplan, let�s just say it broadcasts decently.

I�m still sick but hopefully getting better. I was hoping that some kind of work would pop up in the week that I was gone since I�ve got audits to do instead. A freakin� pile of em. I think I�ve let each blue and white stack sit on each other since October. I�ve got 8 packets of about 240 pages each. Each packet will glean about 3 real pages to investigate one line on. I estimate that I�ll catch 5 people, approximately $50 to $100 per month. It�ll take me maybe three hours.

I hate audits. Oh, it�s horrid. I scan page after page of one line entries looking for a 422 without a matching 022. Sounds easy. Sure, it is, until your eyes glaze over.

It�s fun catching people, but only if you think of them as despicable pirates, stealing utilities. In fact, they aren�t sealing utilities, it�s just that we didn�t set up their account correctly and they�ve been getting freebies.

Man, I wish I got free Showtime or something. Though I think they don�t ever do letterbox format, so forget that.

I�m trying to get back to drinking coffee here at work. But I just don�t like the coffee here at work too well. I tend to drink it cold and black. It�s actually better that way.

I know it�s fashionable to bash the French, now more than ever as it was never out of fashion. But can we also mock the Quebequa.