It's All In The Wrist
10/25/2

Guess what hand I�m typing this with? Just my right one. Conveniently Microsoft word will automatically capitalize the beginning of sentences for me, and words like Microsoft.

And this isn�t too hard either. The only risk is that my rodent-like brain will lose its train of thought halfway through a sentence. Also, it�s not like the right wrist isn�t messed up some also.

This�ll be short. I just want to tell you the �how I kept my wrist from healing and actually made it worse� story and also mention a commercial that I saw yesterday.

The least significant actual event that helped keep my wrists messed up [opposed to the non-event of just trying to use them all day] is when Aisai and I are at Target getting me two gallons of milk. We had gotten the milk and headed toward the check out thingies. But I wanted to look at jeans. I felt guilty that Aisai, not a vision of Herculean strength, was carrying the basket while I strolled along. So, I said, �gimmie that.� Or something similar.

I carried them all the way to the men�s section. By that time, Aisai had showed up with a shopping cart. I didn�t see it, but I could just sense that she had rolled her eyes.

The most significant thing that contributed to the continued trashing of my wrists, and this is what really got the left one back to its worst state, was me power sanding some walls for Aisai. She suggested it too. I say this to possibly deflect some blame her way.

In any case, I�ve now agreed that if they aren�t better by Monday that I�ll go to the doctor.

Now, the disturbing commercial. And I�ll use my left hand also to type this. It�s much quicker, but tab and q hurt the heck outta me.

So, I recorded the Early Show off CBS on Thursdays and Fridays to get the interviews with the castoffs from The Amazing Race and Squirrelvivor. The Amazing Race castoffs were actually so irritating that I didn�t watch them, but did see a freakish story about how kids backpacks being too heavy is going to start making states pass laws about the maximum weight a textbook can be. See, they don�t have lockers anymore for security reasons. Which is stupid. Just have the lockers clear on the front or built like a safety deposit box so that schooly officials can search easily and with much malice. I�m a little against the clear idea since the last thing a teen gal wants is guys saying �Oh, I like the brand of pads you buy.�

So, the commercial. Pretty good looking mom in pretty good looking house is chasing around a kid. I couldn�t tell if they were playing or not, but it becomes apparent that the kid has no respect for the mom and won�t stop running around and let her get him.

(Note: my parents would have resorted to projectile weapons at this point.)

Mom gets tuckered out and goes to the really nice kitchen and gets an �aspirin chew�, the crap they are selling, and fills a cup of water. The demon child runs by and mom snags him as the announcer announces how much better aspirin chews in various sundry flavors will make our life better.

Here�s the really Dahmer part.

Mom holds the glass of water in front of the child�s mouth and the child spits out a live goldfish.

Mom then says something to the effect of �I told you to stop doing that.�

Ho ho. [Was that really supposed to be funny?]

I showed the commercial to Aisai and she was equally freaked out. I said, �The kids going to grow up to be a serial killer.� And it�s true, nearly all serial killers started by being cruel and killing animals.

I can�t wait until they release a new flavor of aspirin chew or we get the uncensored Canadian version where the fish is actually dead.

�Hi, I�m young Jeffery Dahmer. When I don�t have a free hand because I�m dissecting a live dog or all my glasses for water are full of the entrails of teenage boys, I just grab an aspirin chew.�

That�s not a real quote, by the way.