V-ger
7/31/2

Allow me to put on the geek helmet and geek out in a very Star Trek fashion.

When speaking of Mr. Postwood�s Star Trekness, and I know this will make some cringe, but Voyager is my favorite. Yes, it�s flawed. Flawed big time. And it didn�t meet the true potential of what it could have. Yes, it�s the truth and I accept it. Did it suck? Some of the characters did, but some redefined what Trek was. The guy who played Tuvok changed what a Vulcan was, and for the better.

So, why did I like it? Because of what it should have been.

Star Trek: The Original Series was groundbreaking. It was the X-files of it�s times like the X-files were the X-files of their times in the first two seasons. The X-files were, however, the Harsh Realm of their times in the last three. Shatner pulled off his part like a pro. Nimoy did his version of a Vulcan. The cast was great, the stories were mediocre but passable, it was a pure classic.

I didn�t care for The Next Generation. It stepped on my TOS. [See, look, it�s a phonetic joke.] Taking a bit of the Buffy Universe to explain why I disliked it, there were just too many Wesley�s on board. In fact, wasn�t there a character named Wesley on board. I think he was the inspiration for Barney the Dinosaur. No, he wasn�t fruity and gay, he was just irritating. Reading Rainbow Man was pretty good, but could we USE his abilities please. Data was a good concept which had it�s dead horse dragged out and beaten every other episode. But what saved TNG was Picard. Patrick Stewart is now Professor X on the X-men. Where is everyone else? At some SUCKCon, in Utah, I�m sure.

Deep Space Nine couldn�t have hit me wronger for the time period that it came out. This was the same for others. War, what is it good for, absolutely nothing. [Say it again.] There is nothing I dislike more than bitchy �freedom fighters�. Hell, you don�t see the IRS and Sinn Fein bitching do you? Well, when they are falsely imprisoned they�ll let you know, but no one cares. And that�s key. No one cares about wars that take forever. We�d just come out of a half-assed fix of the Iraq situation and then we were to deal with freedom fighters in a world where every planet was a desert. I hated the characters too. Sure, the captain was good in some ways, like he does a killer IBM commercial voiceover. The doctor was a good concept, but a poor execution. And anyone who ever said �freedom fighter� was disliked by me more.

I understand that our Canadian brethren are able to see DS9. I�d like to give it another try. I hope they put it up next summer when everything but the reality shows are in rerunland. Also, you can watch Star Trek while you eat since all they do is talk talk talk. The shows that are my favorites now [The Mole, Monk, Big Brother 3, Farscape (but that last episode sucked)] can�t be watched while eating since they pack so much info into them.

And then came V-ger. I tried it, I disliked it, and that was fine since we lost our UNP affiliate. Years later, we get our UPN and WB and we can watch Buffy and V-ger. And then V-ger came on at 10pm syndicated. I watched every episode. Overall, I really liked it. I�d like to see the Andy Dick episode again and ones where Species 9472 was kicking everyone�s butt. And it probably had one of the best Trek finales around.

But what they didn�t do, and was pointed out by James Lileks today in his bleat, was they didn�t age the ship. He watched The Year Of Hell [a great two-parter] and wanted the ship to still be trashed at the end. I understand, but can�t agree totally, unless they sold their technology to another race for a ship back [but that�s against the Prime Directive]. But I have to agree that the dress code would have broken down.

So, here�s where I chuck out a neat idea that no one will care about. I�d like to see Star Trek: Voyager II. See, [giggle snort snort], set in a time shortly after Voyager gets back, the powers that be at the Federation say that the info brought back by Voyager has proven so much more valuable than that done by conventional means, they�d like to repeat it and chuck a ship across the galaxy, but in a different direction. Yes, strand a ship 70 years from earth [or less, I don�t care, just far away], on purpose. The getting there [a giant transporter cannon, maybe] and other details could be ironed out by pros. Pros who incidentally would probably ruin the show by having Ellen Degeneres be a bartender or something.

Trek shows run seven seasons, by definition, which I don�t understand. You could take the entire first season to set up the mission and have all the family weeping and attempted sabotage, etc. The first season finale could be the shooting of the ship to the other side of nowhere. And as the kicker, when they get there they see no stars [or something freaky like that]. You�d get to make up some new races, re-use some from Voyager [like the people from Dragon�s Teeth], and you know you�d find the freakin� Borg every once in a while. Age the ship. Mutiny for a half season. Do the Buffy thing and have a Big Bad and continuity.

Heck, Rocky and Bullwinkle has continuity. Why has no trek every done this?

Well, my ramble is starting to lose its structural integrity. More power to the inertial dampers!

And best yet, have the mission fail.