Two Driving Things, Two Wrong Names, One Wrong Number
7/23/2
While I was out in my work van today, as I passed Weatherly Road on Baily Cove headed North, and entering firmly into Dead Astronaut High School Land, I saw a two guys looking at a boat sitting in the front of a townhouse�s yard. At first I thought that they were debating where they�d put the boat, as it looked crooked and the front was rather low. Then, as I passed the scene, I was able to tell what happened.
They were driving a black Ford pickup and towing the boat. They made the turn too fast and the hitch broke off on the truck and the boat towing thing [what are those called?] and boat plowed through the yard. When the boat towing thing hit the brick wall of the townhouse [if it was a foot to the right it would have gone through the aluminum garage door] the boat shifted forward and took it�s turn playing smack-me with the townhouse.
I didn�t have my camera, plus it might have made the guys mad if I showed the amount of interested that I�d probably show. I.e. taking one picture is fine, but I generally take around 10 to 30 to make sure that I at least get one or two good pictures.
While I was driving to Ladies Only Fitness Place which Sean, who I bought the Black n� Tan from owns, something ran out in front of the car. I was headed there to pick up the title since yesterday was the last day I could legally drive the BnT without a tag, and I needed the title to get the tag, and they had just gotten it back from the bank [actually credit union] that morning.
Since the little thing that was running out in front of my car appeared to be hopping, and he was at first, I swear, I thought it was a frog. Without hesitation I made the value judgement that a frog is worth a swerve and a brake since no one was around me anyway. Well, good thing I did, since as I came closer I saw that it was a yeow mousey. He was leaving the Texaco and running into the median. He probably had a late lunch.
Earlier in the day, when I was visiting the Swimming Pool Club Of Rich Kids to read a meter, an attractive and very well dressed 20something gal asked me, �Do you work for Mike [correct syllable of last name]-ly?� I, being a married man, resisted her advances and told her, �No.�
�Well, do you have anyone named Mike [correct syllable of last name]-ly working in your department?�
I then returned her longing glance [no, I wasn�t longing, I was just looking back at her as I�d been removing mulch from the face of their meter with my retractable ball point pen {I only use Pilot G-2 0.5 when �in the field�}] and said, �I am [my name].�
And, no embellishment like before here, she literally said, �Oh, I�ve been trying to find you. I�m so glad I came down today.� And proceeded to tell me how she lost the contact information which would let her get about $800 back from the city.
See, Miss Gal here was handed the keys to Swimming Pool Club Of Rich Kids by her father about four months ago and she really has no clue what she�s doing. She does have some snappy clothes and a cool cell phone though, but she literally called my office and asked why we billed her. Duh, we bill everyone. Including her.
Later, when I got to Ladies Only Fitness Place, I parked the car, felt odd about approaching a mirrored building which clearly stated ladies only on a sign outside, and went in. Two giddy dames [they don�t get called gals since one was around 18 but the other one ruined their collective gal status by being older than me, a crime which expels you from galness] greeted me and giggled that I must be Michael.
�No.� I said to them [and in fact the gal who was older than me could actually be called a broad].
�Well�� [fuse blows in giddy gal brain]
�My name is [my name].�
�Oh, well, hee hee, I don�t know why he put Michael.� [other girl giggles] �Well, here�s the title. Hee hee.� [other girl giggles]
When I got to the courthouse with the title, Sean had put that the car had an odometer reading of 73350 on the bill of sale. I didn�t look at it when I filled out the back of the Title, standing on the sidewalk in front of the recently closed and now I suppose historic Hale Brother�s Furniture and writing on my binder supported by a big brick planter full of impatiens. I remembered the number, probably incorrectly, from when I picked it up as being 73335. And you never know, maybe I was right. I had a tendency to remember this since it was at 73320 [or 73335 if Sean is right] when I gave him the $100 to hold the car. [Lil� Sean drove my car.]
However, the uberpowerful gals at the DMV changed reality and decided to put my number.
See, Sean, that�s what you get for driving other people�s cars. The DMV ladies don�t believe you anymore.
And on the way into the courthouse, the ink refill for my Cross Ion pen [look it up, it�s cool] looked EXACTLY like a bullet when they x-rayed my binder, but old security guard didn�t care. I�m also surprised he let his son get so many piercings.
I hope that if and when Aisai and I have kids, since it�s already a foregone conclusion that I�ll be an older parent, I hope I don�t let my kids get too freaky and scare the old people.
And, for the record, no one giggled or hit on me while I was at the courthouse.
They were all broads anyway.