Polite Turtle, Big Turtle, And Stupid Raccoon
6/5/2

Since Ace is shipping out at the end of the month or so, I�m taking over some of the fieldwork that I used to do before he took those duties from me about 1.5 years ago.

And I wondered why I didn�t see any turtles last year? It was because I really don�t drive around that much. All my driving was in the Kronos and consisted of going to and from work with a little running to church and shopping on top of that.

Today, I rescued two turtles and met a very confused [or rabid] raccoon.

Yes, Alabama is crawling with wildlife. We�re all like Mary Poppins down here. If you sit outside for a while little birds will land on you and maybe a possum will cuddle up in your lap. But you�ve gotta sing a happy song. With trills.

Turtle 1

I�m deep in downtown Triana, population, oh, maybe 200. As I�m leaving, there is a turtle in the street. I pass him [he�s going so slow] and turn around. I get out and move him over to the side he wants to get to. He is about 8 inches on his carapace, or whatever it�s called. And I never noticed this on the turtles around here, he has a scalloped edge on the back of his shell. Also, you know those little painted turtles you see in the store [before it was made illegal to sell any turtle under six inches in length]? This guy has one of those little guy�s style heads�thus, he must be a painted turtle.

He was nice and didn�t pee on me or try to scratch me.

Turtle 2

So, I�m out of Triana and halfway back to Huntsville [there is about a mile of no-man�s land] and I see another turtle. This guy, rather than the other one which was going west, is headed east, and he�s just started his journey. I pass him and then back up in my own lane, put on the hazard lights, and hop out.

This turtle was the biggest turtle I�ve ever helped. He had about a 14 inch shell, also scalloped back and he had a painted turtle head. I was so thrilled to see such a big turtle I was talking loudly at him.

�Man, you are one big turtle. Ha.� He didn�t appreciate this and gave me a bad look. When I got behind him, he decided that tucking in his shell was for the birds [or smaller turtles] and swung his arms back at me and then took off. I encouraged him to get out of the road by doing a little more talking and stomping on the ground.

�Go�get. Get outta here.� Stomp stomp stomp.

For a turtle, he was pretty speedy. I actually didn�t touch him, but I consider this helping him.

Ricky The Rabid Raccoon

Eh, what can you say about an approximately one year old raccoon that is walking around with it�s mouth open and standing in the road within 100 yards of one of the posh �lake� neighborhoods. It was noon and he was a raccoon, and that doesn�t add up.

He had a pattern of going into the grass, lying down, getting up, walking across one lane, standing in between the lanes, lying down on the pavement, walking around in the lanes, and then heading for the grass. He had a non-understanding look in his eyes like he was in a daze, and kept his mouth open. He appeared non-damaged.

When I first saw him, I stopped and put on the hazards. Cute as a button and ready to rip my jugular out. I honked and tried to scare him off. He would look at my van when I did this, but it didn�t scare him. I headed down the road and turned around and parked it in the grass about 30 feet away from him. I gave TC a call and asked him to get Animal Control out.

While I was talking with him, at one point I said, �Oh, he�s dead now, there is no way these trucks can stop�oh, well, I guess they can slow down that fast.� After I made the call I turned back around in the street and drove past him again. I had to come to a stop since he was blocking my way this time.

He wandered into the other lane and lay down. In the few seconds I had to stop, a small parade of five cars got behind me. Oh, did I mention, this is a major road, Zeirt Road.

As I was driving off, a lady in a black Volvo sedan came barreling up at 60 mph. She never swerved or slowed. I don�t think she thought the raccoon was dead. I think she didn�t see him at all. She drove over him. Note: Not ran over. After she passed he stood back up and looked startled and walked into the other lane, stopping traffic over there.

I didn�t see him or his carcass when I came out of the subdivision. I didn�t want to check too much.

Maybe it's Snow White and not Mary Poppins�I dunno. I�m not much up on my Disney.

I got a search engine hit for "Overweight Mullet". In fact, I'm the #2 hit at Yahoo. It's the Death And Kia entry where I describe the Kia commercial.