Goofy Cinnaburst Whore Ramble
5/30/2
In a world without chocolate, cinnamon is pretty dang good. Or at least Big Red gum is.
But not to knock the Cinnaburst crowd, who I believe are the gum chewing promiscuous people hanging out on the fire escape, since that is a completely viable non-bubble gum also. Cinnaburst is the kind with flavor rocks in it. I think they call them crystals, but really, that�s pushing it. They are tiny little cinnamon rocks and since they are so small, the chance of you actually hitting one is slim. Until, that is, the gum has lost a good deal of its flavor and then you hit one and get some flavor back.
Neat concept, but why target fire escape whores?
Perhaps I�m pre-judging the whorish, but I�d think they would be more the Superbubble crowd. Superbubble has too much sugar early on, then gets really soft, and then, upon much chewing, evens out to the texture of normal bubble gum. However, by that point, it�s developed a lame taste. It�s got G.O., Gum Odor.
And isn�t that really what the promiscuous crowd wants? Something that�s better than it should be, then slightly lacking, with a bitterness afterward.
�But, Postwood,� you say, �I thought that, at least whorish females are trying to seek acceptance from men since they felt unloved by the main male figure in their life, or perhaps the father figure was missing entirely?�
Yes, yes. True in many cases, but only half of the targeted demographic is the female. And despite their feelings of inadequacy in social situations with men, they can enjoy a good cinnamon gum on the fire escape without putting out, sure. The male, usually with his sluttiness attributed to male virility and studliness, when more than likely it�s as much an acceptance thing as anything else, should also take some time out to the day to have a nice cinnamon gum. And you never know, you might meet a fellow Cinnaburst chewer, but of the opposite sex, on the fire escape with which to get it on with.
Now, bear in mind, I am not fooled into thinking that all the getting� it on in the world is due to teen angst in teens of all ages. Hey, I�m married. I don�t get the milk for free, buddy, I bought the cow. Yee-haw! Ride �em, Cowboy!
[Nuf said.]
But, let it be said, that Superbubble is a bubble gum of the feeble minded and misguided. Sugar freaks without the conviction to stick with a gum for the long term and with no interest in the fact that this stuff was actually made so that it had the recreational ability to blow bubbles.
Do you know how fun it is to have a shaved head, goatee, wrap around mirror shades, and blow bubbles while listening to loud music in your shiny aquamarine car with the windows down?
DO YOU!?
No, you don�t. But let me tell you, it�s a viable lifestyle choice, Chester.
Why would you want to muck it all up with a gum that after an hour of chewing would make you want to spit it out? You say you don�t need commitment in your gum? Whore! Slattern! Prostitute!
I might go through six or seven pieces of bubble gum in a day [but not every day, I�m not Superman] but I keep it around for a while. I wouldn�t say that I have a deep relationship with each piece of gum, mainly because that�s just stupid. But I don�t get rid of it when the sugar runs out either.
Why? �Cause that�s the kind of man I am, baby.
I�m a Double Bubble man.
[I intended to talk about video games. Oh well.]