Death Is Bad
10/24/1

When we went to the bank on Monday, the crazy lady doing our paperwork who decided to try to convince us that abortion was ok [out of the blue, too], did the papers wrong, didn�t call to verify the amounts, and didn�t listen to Aisai when she told her the amount we needed. So we went back yesterday afternoon.

This new bank gal had it together and it only took about ten minutes. We are now sans credit cards, but the Visa check card can buy stuff over the internet, and we have our gas cards.

After the bank, we went next door to Zaxby�s and I got the �chicken finger plate, hot � nuclear hot�. I swear, that is how you have to say it. The problem is the nuke hot sauce, while being quite hot, doesn�t really have much flavor. I could go up or down a hotness level if I could get tastier sauce.

After that it was home, change, and then go to the funeral.

I�ll not talk much about the funeral. I hate that funeral home. I have nothing against the people that work there and I�m sure they do a wonderful job. But I have only been there once before, and it was bad. This was bad. It�s not a place I want to go.

I�m usually, not stoic, but on firm emotional ground. However, that said, I do not go into cemeteries or attend funerals. I also don�t like hospitals or nursing homes. I think I�ve kind of built up a tolerance to Windsor House, the nursing home we sometimes help with their little church service. But other places, I�m not fond of. I�ve never been to a hospital for something good.

We were at the visitation for a total of ten minutes and my chest still hurts now, 13 hours later. I don�t do death well. It was freaky too, with me all borderline losing it, but kids running around and playing. I suppose that cousins and whatnot haven�t seen each other in a while. I found Jennifer and told her that I probably wouldn�t stay long because I can�t handle it. She told me to stop that since I�d start her crying again. I apologized. She told me to go look at the pictures.

I looked at them but didn�t see them. By that time I was walking in a fog, about to collapse. My chest was about to burst, but I was not going to start bawling.

And this isn�t just tears for Lisa I�m talking about, it�s death. Death...ooh, I hate it. I despise it. I cannot understand how people can take war so lightly or handle being at a funeral, or walking among the husks of what were people once in a graveyard.

And don�t think that my hating war doesn�t mean that I condemn our actions toward the terrorists. I hate war, but it has its place. Read my entry about war with the Teddy Roosevelt quotes.

We left after I shook some people�s hands, badly. On the way home, Aisai tried to comfort me with words that sounded silly and insulting at the time, but she meant well.

We watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer when we got home.