Nothing Tastes Better Than Stolen Food
7/26/1

I just said that, out loud. �Nothing tastes better than stolen food. Bwa ha ha ha!�

It�s the decaf coffee, I tell you. It�s a devil brew!

The stolen food mentioned was coffee mate from the Office Coffee Pot.

I do not drink from the office coffee pot, and it�s not due to the superstition attached to it. Yes, we have myths and legends here at my work.

Superstitious gypsies say that if you drink the coffee from the Office Coffee Pot, then you�ll get a divorce.

At this time, I�m surrounded by mutant non-coffee drinkers. Or those who are non-drinkers of coffee. But I�m sure they also drink things that aren�t coffee, or else they�d get dehydrated.

I have my own coffee pot in my office from when I first was hired and they had some Coffee Kitty Secret Society thing going on. I�m all against that kind of stuff. And besides, their coffee maker brewed at too low a temperature and they used more scoops to compensate.

My coffee maker was known as the Rebel Coffee Outpost. Well, at least for that week they teased me about it. Now they bum filters off me.

I�ve been planning and reading work related stuff. Now that two replacements have taken over much of my old duties, it�s time for me to take over the duties that the guy that retired a year and a half ago did. It�s so lovely to work for the government.

I can�t really complain, and I don�t really. The sarcasm really may not come across with the written word and I�m sure most people think, �I�m so happy for Postwood, that he has a job where he really enjoys being a government drone.�

The other day, a few of us were fitted for coats. These coats would make oil drillers in the arctic circle hot if they wore them. Oh, and did I mention that I�m in Alabama? We don�t wear coats except for two days a year. Which isn�t half bad, really. Wearing shorts in December is cool, but rarely gets to be done.

I really am not much of a shorts wearer. When I wear shorts, I look in the mirror and think, �Who�s the dork?�

Yo, you the dork, dork.

I even have sandals that I can wear with my shorts. Yeah, if I want to be a complete and utter girl.

Now, what you wear on vacation is different. I wore the sandals on vacation. I think I wore them to Bush Gardens, in fact. I�d have to check the pictures.

Actually, that sounds wrong. I don�t know that I�d trust a new pair of shoes on a long thing like that. I know I ruined my Inflato Pseudo-Cool shoes, which were rather stupid and needed to be put out of their misery. I think I still have them, but since they picked up some freaky water ride water, they now have a funk about them.

Oh, but if I didn�t mention it, the Louisiana trip to Baton Rouge is out. Aisai�s car repairs took care of that. We were going to spend the Economic Stimulus Money on that. At least we�re spending it.

And that stuff scares me. For you Canadians who have nothing better to do than read my Stuffo, let me tell you�Remember how Japan about six years ago just issued checks to the citizens, not even tax cuts, just wrote them checks, and they cut the prime lending rate to zero�Why did they do that? Because the economy was about to collapse!

[Postwood squeals like a shark bumped him in the Gulf of Mexico.]

Now, we have money in the form of a tax refund, but not one that waits until we actually do our taxes for this year, but get issued to us immediately. And gas prices are dropping. Good for me, but what does it mean?

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? [Postwood sobs quietly at all the variables]

Eh, I�m not too concerned really. If things get bad, they get bad for us all. As long as I can afford food, I already have enough junk to keep me occupied for years.

[Postwood sips from his decaf coffee with stolen creamer]

Yeah, maybe I�d read some of those books I have, if the economy got bad.

If the power went out, I�d have to get a portable generator to play Gran Turismo 3.