Honey Sweet Mercury and the Tan Devil
7/19/1

Ever been to a convenience store on the beach, late at night, when their AC is running too hard and there is condensation on the outside of the windows, as if the building was a cold cup of coke on a summer day?

When I got into work today, it was 59 degrees F. Now, you Celsius people, I�ll do this just once, because it�s important this time. That�s 15 degrees C.

Yes, cold for the interior of a building in July in Alabama.

Our AC is still running at full blast, but my space heater is running at about 25%, so my office is approaching the 70s at this time. The AC was �fixed� a few days ago.

My gripe with the AC is that the thermostat is a piece of crap. It assumes that we live on the surface of the sun and thus it runs 24/7 until a polar bear finally walks up and chomps the thing to see if it has any nutritious value. Maybe I should crack open the little mercury bottle and taste it�s honey sweet mercury goodness.

NOTE TO ALL CHILDREN: THOUGH MERCURY IS HONEY SWEET AND WILL GIVE YOU BIG SHINY MUSCLES AND LASER SHARP VISION, YOU SHOULDN�T EAT IT BECAUSE IT�S MORALLY WRONG. OH, AND IT�LL CUT YOUR READING COMPREHENSION RATE AND MAKE YOU MAD AS A HATTER, WHICH WILL ACTUALLY PROBABLY IMPROVE YOUR SOCIAL LIVE.

Ok, so I get a phone call Tuesday night from a telemarketer. The connection is bad, and it throws him off his pace. I was getting my voice amplified very loudly at me, but I could barely hear him. When I told him that I could tell his said Discover at one point, I asked, �So, what is the rate these days?�

�14.9 percent� he quipped.

�Yikes! That�s horrible.� I said.

Then he started laughing, and so did I. And he couldn�t stop laughing. When he finally stopped, I told him that I really didn�t need another credit card. He said thanks and gave me the phone number if I wanted to get one.

Aisai has done it again. She is the good, good wife and she bought a vacuum to replace the one we have [that she broke, but that's a long story.]

The more I look at the word �good� the more it looks like something a cro-mag would say to me.

So she emails me with a picture of a similar vacuum and tells me she bought it, but ours is tan. I write back that it�s fine, but also joke, �Tan! You will not bring a tan vacuum into my house!�

However, all joking aside, it is one of the most unattractive vacuums I have ever seen. It is one of those red Dust Devils, but tan. The marketing department must have flinched when they were shown the Tan Devil. Either that or they were responsible. �You know, maybe the older people will be intimidated with the Red Devil. Maybe we should make it in tan�and that blue they like.�

Aisai and I will be seeing J-Park III today at a matinee.