Google Hits, Uppity Flies, and Hawaii 5-O
6/7/1

Time for the Google hit listing. And we�re doing it a little different this time. All those who love my make and model of phone, and there are many, can go jump. I wish I made up a code name for it. In the week and a half (or so) that I haven�t posted a Google summary, there have been lots of stuff about fat sumos. Why do people search for that? Pervs. And the phone obviously, and some other random stuff. But here are the three worth commenting on:

[Calories Roasted Soybeans]

Mine have around 140 calories for 30 grams. The package that I was buying from Darth-Mart held 170g, so be a good little one and do the math for Uncle Postwood. I tend to like the Honey Roasted Soynuts. They call them soynuts. They�re nuts calling them that. Look at the ingredients in your �soynuts�. The number one ingredient is soybeans. Dur. In any case, the honey roasted has the same calories as the salted ones. I can eat a whole package as a meal, but I�m a little off that. I need to start protein loading in the morning with my econo-protein drink. Tastes lame, unless you like the taste of protein, which I do. Getting 110g of protein in only 530 calories is also rather killer. Oh, and soy milk is not milk, it�s more like tea in my mind, and I don�t put tea on my cereal.

[Overdue Book Jokes]

When this hit first happened, I was the number one hit. Now I�m half way down the page. I was going to make a joke up:

A duck walks into a library with an overdue book on his head. The librarian says, �Hey, Duck. You got a book on your head.� The duck says, �Yeah, and I have a few overdue books on my bill.�

Ha ha! Ho ho! [In the distance a cricket says "cheep cheep"]

Now would be a good time to analyze Steve Martin�s joke for plumbers. However, I have more self control. The most�

Dang it, I�m eating some bowl noodle hot here and a baby fly is bothering me. Not a maggot, so I guess it�s a teenager fly. He�s small and thinks he owns the world. Hey, I was in your shoes, buddy. You don�t know nothin�. No one should be allowed to do anything until they�re [Postwood�s age minus two years].

When I was a giant squid, I used to dash the sailor�s heads on the rocks.

Ok, back the Google stuff:

[Fix Oldsmobile]

No, me no fix Oldsmobile. Me let Oldsmobile die. It junk anyway.

I say that, but let�s look at the long past of good Oldmobiles�.Uh, or maybe we could name all the good GM cars which could have also been Oldsmobiles if GM felt like doing that. Or not. Yeah, and let�s all meditate on the reliability of Pontiacs while we�re at it.

I tend to like the 1971 Riviera. It has a 455 engine, and can tow a 2000 lb gas tank behind it.

Ok, I�m rambling. Oh, I�m a ramblin� man. Oh, I ramble over here and I ramble over there. That�s �cause I�m a rambin� man, yeah. I�m used to ramblin�. I�ve done it before: The Ramble. No one can say that the business of rambling isn�t the kind of thing that I�d do. I have, at the sake of being redundant, rambled before. Yeah. (sung to the tune of the X-files)

What did Dano from Hawaii 5-O do when the librarian committed perjury by making a false statement about overdue books?

He beat the livin� dog dirt outta her!