Squirrel in a Strange Land
4/11/1

A squirrel was standing on the overpass as I drove by on my way to work. He was huddled against the retaining wall, standing on his hind legs and it appeared he was shaking. He was in a tight spot.

I didn�t stop to try to help, but I did stop to try and help the man in the subdivision across the road from our subdivision.

As I was pulling out onto Slaughter Road, I noticed there was a Ford Explorer over in the Starting at the 150s subdivision with his hazards on and his hood open. He was standing there messing with the engine and I first decided that I�d be late for work if I helped. After I made the left hand turn, I decided that I didn�t care if I was late. I�d sure want someone to help me.

I rolled down the window when I pulled up and said, �I can�t help much, but if you need to make a phone call, I�ve got one.�

I remember this odd phrasing since I mulled over its bad grammar afterward.

He said, �I�ve got one. The oil light was on, so I�m just checking it.�

So, we both had phone calls. It was 6:30 a.m., grammar rules are optional.

By the time I got to the overpass for Martin Road, I had listened to four Talking Heads songs.

The squirrel was not in the main part of the overpass, but at the section right after the wall splits off the exit. At the time, I didn�t think I could stop and help him because there was nowhere to park and any car coming over the overpass wouldn�t be able to see me until the last second. It�s a rental car, but it�s my insurance. I don�t think I can survive a $500 deductible twice in one month and maintain my standard of living. Well, without making a few phone calls to the appropriate banks and saying, �We�re in a tight spot�.

Since seeing O Brother Where Art Thou, any mention of the phrase �in a tight spot� is so humorous to me.

�My Hair!�

Ok, back to the story.

The young squirrel shuddered with fear and loathing as my Silver Rentalbishi Rentage rolled by. The wind from my car savagely whipped his fluffy tail fur.

I shouldn�t mock. He is probably dead. What he needed to do was to head south on the exit and then just hop two lanes and into the booze lounge parking lot. I have to give him credit for stopping and having a think of it. But I really don�t know if he was damaged either. He didn�t appear so. But Aisai and I have stopped to help a young rabbit in an intersection who was standing frozen there and the bunny had his intestines hanging out.

If the bunny fell over, he�d stand back up. He was dying but had the strength to hold on to what he had. Eventually a neighbor came and picked the little guy up with a shovel. I would have put him out of his misery with a Shovel Neck Chop maneuver. But I�m glad I didn�t have to.

When I got into work, I mentioned the squirrel to Jones. We concluded that if Pat saw it, he�d probably get himself killed trying to help it. Pat did see it, but he thought it was an opossum.

Yeah, with a fluffy brown tail.

Pat did theorize how to rescue the little fellow, but conveniently did about 20 minutes after it would have been helpful. I was able to say that he was probably dead or free by now. Which he probably was.

There is nothing we could have done really. Aisai and I have played this game with a kitten on the elevated portions of I565. The kitten jumped off the edge after we cornered it. There was grass below and it ran off. Mr. Squirrel didn�t have anything but concrete to fall to if he jumped, which I�m sure he would do. If he didn�t jump, we sure couldn�t pick him up.

I had said to Pat in the lab, �I�d love to be able to pull up to him, pick him up with him saying �Mama� to me, and take him down to the field. But he�ll never let me catch him and if I can, he�ll rip a hole in me.�

Pat suggested we use his truck to corral him down. I made the �times up� argument, but that also wouldn�t work because of the �you�ll get rear ended blocking traffic over a blind hill� argument.

On a lighter note, Jones rescued a turtle the other day. I tend to do that all the time. I forgot what road it was, but he just stopped his truck and got out and move it to the side it wanted to go to.

I�m still turtleless this season.