Always a Wallflower and Never a Good Cliche
4/6/1

I�m sure there is a clich� about being stood up, but I can�t think of it. Always a bridesmaid and never a bride is similar, but doesn�t quite capture at all what I�m trying to fit into a clich�.

How have you been stood up, Mark? Let me count the ways and also flit off onto other topics as I write.

Yesterday, I get back from some lame fieldwork and am informed by my boss that my former boss�s boss, who is actually no longer in the chain of my command, needs 25 documents by today at 11 a.m. It takes me about 30 minutes to get the six inch tall stack of documents together and I have to tell my boss that I can�t take them by the photocopy place since I have to meet the termite bond guy at four.

Don�t know what a termite bond guy is? Well, you don�t own a house do you. And you don�t need to worry about it until you do. Be blissfully ignorant.

I get home and I�m a tired roos. Aisai has left a message on the answering machine saying some words which I already knew. I call her, since she requested I do so, and confirm to her that the words she said, yes, those ideas presented by those words, I knew that. She was telling me that the check to pay Brother Termite was attached to our ugly steel front door with a massive magnet designed to hold a Christmas wreath. It�s hard to miss. It�s big, it�s green, and it warps the electromagnetic spectrum.

During the call, I trundle back to the bedroom and lie down in bed. After the call, I lie there with the phone on my chest. At around 3:52, I get up and trundle into the great room.

Note: I hate that term. It�s a perfectly fine room, but it�s not that great. But they didn�t want to call it the Front Room, as Aisai and I did in our years of apartment dwelling. No one is presumptuous enough to call a room in a small apartment a Great Room. However, being situated toward the front of the house, it cannot be a den. Dens are secluded. You can�t be secluded and have the front door right there. I actually think that Aisai and I tend to call that area Downstairs.

I sit in the loveseat and start playing Nokia Snake II on my cell phone. I�m pretty good, but I can� t beat my high score of 1731. I lose track of time and I get a call. It�s Aisai again, telling me that the termite man has cancelled and I have an appointment with him tomorrow (meaning today), Friday.

Hmm. My schedule for Friday has gotten interesting. I was told that my car, the one I wrecked last Friday, would be out of the body shop later this week. This week doesn�t get much later than now, lunchtime on Friday, so they better hurry up.

The last time the car was in a body shop, due to a 16 year old kid running a stop sign in front of me, they fobbed it off on me with some of the work not finished at 4:50 in the afternoon. Perhaps this body shop is even better and is shooting for Friday at 4:50?

But I�m feeling stood up, and not just because I was stood up yesterday. I feel stood up since I can Feel that my car isn�t ready. And a good thing too, since I am busy this afternoon with the termite guy.

Now, I have to plan out for the Most Irritating Case Scenario (there will be an acronym later, so pay attention). I leave work at 3:15 and get home at 3:40. There will be a phone message from the body shop saying my car is ready and for me to pick it up. However, I can�t do that since termite man is on the way.

Another �why don�t he call?� moment I�m having is that the rental place, which is supposed to call me if the PT Cruiser comes in, hasn�t called me. Let�s add them into the dirty MICS.

There will be a second message on the phone, it�s the rental place telling me a PT Cruiser has just come in, but company policy can�t allow him to hold it, so I better be there quick.

What to do?

Scenario 1: Return Brother Termite�s favor and tell him to shove off until a later date. Get my car and leave the Mitsubishi rental at the body shop until Aisai can help me pick it up and take it into the rental place. See PT sitting there and pine for it.

Scenario 2: Wait for Brother Termite (By the way, it�s a sci-fi reference) and hope he doesn�t bat 1000 on me by not showing up. Listen to him blather about the ants on the south side of the house and warn me about the Manhattan euonymus being too close to the house. It climbs, fella, it�s supposed to be there. Then try to get to the body shop by five.

Scenario 2 version A ending: I make it, get my car and Aisai helps me drop off the rental.

Scenario 2 version B ending: I don�t make it. I call my insurance to see how the payment for the weekend works as far as rental cars go on my cell phone. If they pay, I go get the PT if it�s there.

Now, what will really happen? I�ll meet with the termite man and he�ll poke at my muddy anthills. I�ll do some dishes and prep the kitchen for making my own hot sauce. I�ll stink up the house and get capsaicin in my eyes. Meanwhile, Aisai and her mom, over at her mom�s house, will realize that all the stuff they are planning on selling in the street wide yard sale make them look like some freaks from planet Crap.

Note: No PT and no car ready. And trust me, after you�ve driven a stripped Mirage ES for a week, you look forward to the Saturn SC2. But I will miss the CD player.